5/8 Weekend Recap

Things that happened this weekend in the country (without the influence of alcohol):

• I left my phone charger at home and thus had no technology access. I spent a lot of time reading O magazine and watching the discovery channel while jumping on his mom's miniature trampoline. If anyone tells you you need to drink to be cool, don't believe them.
  

• Brutus came along and Chris' brother's puppy Ellie freaked out at the prospect of having another dog to play with. She followed Brutus around the house incessantly play-bowing and sniffing at his genitals. Brutus does not play, he lounges. So each approach of the puppy was met with a Gollum-esque growl followed by an effeminate leap at Ellie's neck.
  

• He would then look at me with pleading eyes that asked "why would you bring me here?" I'm sure she'll grow on him. She just has to learn to respect her elders.

• I rode a bike that was too big for me and was winded within 60 seconds. Perhaps I should add some semblance of exercise to this new "healthy lifestyle"

• I slept a lot.

• Chris made chicken saag from scratch and it was delicious. For mother's day he made mussels and crab legs. I've never met a shellfish that I trusted. So I eagerly finished the bread and potatoes and then shuffled the mussel shells around with my fork, trying to avoid getting glimpses of the insides. Have you ever seen a mussel? It resembles a--well I won't say what I think it resembles as many of you probably love them. But I don't care how much butter you drench one of them in, you're still eating this:

• I respect my stomach far too much to ingest such a grotesque creature. And then there is also that pesky possibility of getting POISONED. At the table, Chris announced that he wanted to see me try one. I shot him a look of pure venom and that was the end of that. The crab legs were also hard to navigate but that's just because I don't like DIY food. When I sit down to eat, I want to eat. I don't want to crack, scour, plunge, poke or prod, to get my food. Despite their suave demeanor and flawless style, I am not a caveman.

• Chris' father made me 3 homemade milkshakes over the course of two days and I happily lapped them all up.

• After consuming each milk shake I would lift my shirt to reveal my stomach and ask Chris if I'd gotten fat again. Charming, really. It's so easy to eat in moderation during the week but as soon as the weekend rolls around my inner (for now) fat kid rears her ugly fat head and starts begging to be fed. Have you ever tried to say no to a fat kid? That's how you lose limbs*.

• We randomly ran into one of Chris' friends from Philly who happened to be house hunting in the area. I had only met him once, at Chris' private room karaoke birthday party, during which I got extremely drunk, pranced around barefoot, hogging the microphone and screaming the wrong lyrics to Usher songs. I recognized the gleam in his eye that said "you were WASTED last time I saw you." It was a little awkward. Nice to see you again too, buddy.

• And lastly, the pickup truck we were driving in broke down 30 minutes from our destination. In order to get to the safety of the rest stop we were forced to drive 2 miles without headlights going 70mph in a GIANT FREAKIN' TRUCK.

• Thankfully, we survived and a friend came to pick us up so we didn't have to sleep in the truck. It may not be clear but I'm not big on roughing it. Well, that's about it. Another action-packed weekend for the books! What excitement will next weekend hold? Eating? Sleeping? Sobriety? TBD my friend!

*disclaimer: overweight children do not actually consume humans, typically

5/1 Weekend Recap

Well kids, It's that time again! Time for another weekend update. Try to contain yourself.

On Friday I mentioned that I'd be going out for A drink with some coworkers. The weather was amazing and I just couldn't see myself doing anything other than sitting on a patio with an ice-cold margarita.

Clearly I need some hobbies. We'll get to that in another posting.

Well it turned out the bar my coworkers picked out didn't have any outdoor tables. Undeterred, I soldiered on deep into the belly of the dimly lit bar. It wasn't quite the setting I'd pictured for my first delicious margarita but at that point there was just no stopping me. And there she is:

Unassuming and quiet, but full of potential. The first sip was like a lightning bolt to my dulled brain. I was alive again. As I slowly sipped my way to the bottom of the glass, my face began to tingle, thoughts ping-ponged around my brain then left my mouth unfiltered.

I was already tipsy. After years of drinking, I suddenly had the tolerance of Japanese pre-teen. And then came the second drink. I mean everyone else was still drinking, what would you have me do? Then, the other girls left and it was just Marissa and I with empty glasses sitting before us. That was the moment. I could have gone home, snuggled up under the covers and woke up happy and clear-headed.

But the sweet toxins were already coursing through my brain. The sun was still shining. People were everywhere, laughing, drinking, soaking up the amazing weather. I couldn't go home.
So we walked to another bar. There I was introduced to two vodka sodas who, despite being bland, I felt I simply had to get to know better.


And then, off to Queens to Marissa's local bar. There I downed a couple of vodka & sprites. But it started to feel wrong. The sugar that had originally made me feel giddy and alive, started to turn on me.

I became sluggish and my stomach started to ache. My body simply wasn't going to put up with new drinking habits. Yes, I was still abstaining from beer. But for 2 blissful weeks, my body had been healthy and ethanol free. So it revolted. I left the bar feeling groggy, slightly remorseful and ready for bed. But first, I spent some time with two old friends:

And an ex-flame:

The patterns I'd tried to put an end to were repeating themselves again. And while, yes, I kept my promise to myself to give up beer, it still wasn't enough. But wait, that conclusion came later.
The next day, slightly hungover, I left Queens and met Chris back in the city. It was another beautiful day so we decided to walk around. We stumbled upon a street fair with delicious food.

Then we decided to rest our throbbing feet at a bar with an outdoor patio. In the time it took me to finish a small glass of white wine, Chris finished three jack & cokes. What can I say? I'm a slow drinker except when it comes to beer. After that we wandered around some more, and ended up at Urban Outfitters where I bought a dress that would not have fit me two weeks ago. Score! The rest of the night was uneventful and I won't bore you with the banal details. (Because the other details have been a real thrill ride)

The next day we woke up around noon and grabbed some brunch at Westville. We ordered a turkey burger to split and 4 veggie sides. Our eating habits have really improved since we began caring about what we put into our mouths.

After brunch I went to the gym...to clean out my locker as my 6 month locker ownership had expired (two months ago). It felt great to finally check that off my to-do list. It's the little things. Oh, I forgot to mention that Chris had a beer at brunch. He lost the bet.

After that, there was no going back for him. So after the gym, we went to another bar. I mean, no one could possibly resist this:

I had a couple margaritas and he had some more beers. The margaritas were so sweet that I decided to switch to water to avoid a repeat of the night before. But then of course, the bar owners sent over some free drinks. Well, I couldn't just let them go to waste. How rude.

We finally left after polishing those off and went home and relaxed until it was time for Chris to leave for the Bolt bus. It's so much easier (for me) when he's the one leaving. It sucks to be the one leaving, and to know you have a 2.5 hour journey ahead of you.

So what have I learned from my temporary foray back into the world of drinking? Well, it was just that: temporary. The next two weeks, I'm back on the wagon. The positive physical and mental effects I've experienced from not drinking outweigh the momentary fun that it brings. So I'm back to Wet Blanket status for the next two weeks. Maybe I'll get back into the hobbies I had before I ever started drinking. Like reading and volunteering and being the least exciting person alive.

**How cute is this child? It's a shame they grow up and become self-concerned adults who write self-concerned blogs.

4/23 Weekend Recap

I thought I'd update you on the happenings of this weekend so you can feel better about how exciting your life is. Let's start from the top.

I told my boss (who is awesome) that I'd be working from home on Friday. So, Thursday night I took the bus in to Philly. Chris picked me up and we set off for his parents' house in the country.

We arrived late, and immediately passed out. I arose the next morning, ready to tackle the work day. I booted up my computer while these (barely) functional alcoholics chattered in the background about frozen wine:

(If you've never watched, take a sick day tomorrow. You won't regret it)

I connected to his parents' wifi and seconds later my computer responded with this:

A virus that opened inappropriate websites and prompted me to purchase anti-virus software? Not good, especially considering it was my work laptop. So, that was the end of work for the day. I checked e-mail every few hours on my phone but there was nothing pressing.

I spent the rest of the day bonding with the local wildlife:


And avoiding this:

(successfully!)

Chris spent the day building things

He was really in his element. He even took pictures of the finished products and kept scrolling through them adoringly throughout the weekend. At one point, he asked if I wanted to help. We shared a good laugh over that.

As we were getting ready to leave on Saturday night, a neighborhood boy dropped by selling his wares:

GAHHHH! AMISH! Ever since college, I have been terrified of the Amish. They would come to my door selling baked goods and I would hide in the bathroom. (This is where I went to school and met Chris). It's just so jarring to see people who are a part of the world, yet so unchanged by it. But despite the abject terror they inspire in me, I do admire them. To be able to maintain their way of life for so long, without bowing to the influences of modern technology and internet porn. It's truly remarkable. But they still make me uncomfortable. So, I took a deep breath, faced my fears and purchased an oatmeal cream pie. He was polite and smart and it was delicious.

After my heroism, we headed back to Philadelphia so Chris could attend the rollerskating party. I'd considered attending but Jen backed out so I just couldn't do it.

I'll leave it up to him to describe the party but clearly he felt no shame:


The rest of the weekend we spent hanging out with friends and sleeping until it was time for me to return home to this:


All in all a restful, completely unproductive weekend. Just the way I like em. Only one week left in April then the 3 month countdown begins!

And we're back

It's been a nice long, relaxing (and beerless!) weekend and now I'm back in the cold, rainy city. I'm thoroughly exhausted so stay tuned for updates tomorrow, 2 readers!