Another weekend recap already? It must be Christmas.
Friday morning I headed off to Philly yet again. It's unclear why I ever left. Oh that's right, a dead-end job and unwillingness to settle down anywhere for longer than 2 years. On the subway on my way to the bus I had a celebrity sighting.
I was disappointed that Curious George wasn't with him but apparently he's in rehab.
I'd planned to crash at Chris' while he worked. But my friend Brian was also off from work and he convinced me to accompany him to Home Depot. Home Depot is probably my least favorite place in the world. It's just so...straight. My head starts spinning as soon as I walk in from all the testosterone in the air. I liken it to a straight gay bar. It's full of super macho types who are so focused on the man-toys that they don't even notice when women show up. I could have walked around wearing only a bright orange apron and a smile and they wouldn't have flinched. Just kidding, I obviously would never be caught dead in an apron. I actually tend to get extra dressed up when I go there to counteract all the testosterone. As if wearing a ball gown and pearls will keep me from turning into a lumberjack.
After that adventure in masculinity, we picked up a case of Miller lite and proceeded to drink on his couch. We don't hang out as much as we did when I lived in Philly but whenever we do it's a good time. We are both very convinced of each others' (and our own) awesomeness so it works out well. When we were about 7 beers deep, Brian's girlfriend Lisa and another couple showed up and we met Chris for dinner at a BYO called Sazon. I didn't have high expectations for the meal but it was actually pretty good. Especially Chris' which I ate half of. I don't know what it was but it was delicious.
The service was pretty good too. They even refrigerated the 4 cans of Miller lite I brought in my purse. Waste not, want not. And they didn't mind when Brian broke out into song during dessert. Chris and I were exhausted by the time we finished so we took Geritol and passed out.
Saturday we woke up at 9 AM and didn't know what to do with ourselves. Usually we awake around 1 pm and slowly make our way to world of the living. But considering we went to bed at midnight on a Friday, we were rearing to go.
We decided to go outlet shopping for summer clothes. His younger brothers were both in town so we brought them with us. Before Chris, I always said that the next guy I dated would be an agoraphobic war orphan. But I have changed my tune. His whole family has always been very welcoming and supportive. Most of my life I lived with just my mom, so I always love observing families with all sons. They just sit around and crack jokes on each other. It's hilarious.
Onto outlet shopping. I'm pretty cheap but outlets are my weakness. Usually I end up blowing half my paycheck at outlets on clothes that I don't need. But I've had to be more frugal lately now that I'm planning on giving up my 9-5. I didn't end up finding anything that I really liked but the boys all found stuff so it wasn't a complete waste. Plus, I ended up going to the mall and buying a dress at Urban Outfitters anyway. Later, we picked up some BBQ supplies at Trader Joe's and beer and drove to his brother Jon's place for a barbecue. Once the beer was finished, Chris and I went to a bar to get food and watch the Phillies and Flyers game. On our way into the bar we noticed this guy taking a snooze.
He appeared to be breathing so we continued on our way. On the way back to the car an hour later, we saw him again:
Apparently gravity had a field day with this guy. Since I'd recently watched back-to-back episodes of
What Would You Do, I decided we had to do something. He could just be a drunk idiot but what if he was in a diabetic coma? Then what would I say when John Quinones shoved a microphone in my face? I couldn't let him down.
So I flagged down a cop car and they gently helped him up. Just kidding, they kicked and yelled at him until he finally woke up then shoved him in the back of the squad car. I'm sure he'd still be eternally grateful to me. I was going to offer the cops my contact information in case they needed me to testify or be interviewed by the newspaper but Chris dragged me away. My dream in life has always been to testify against someone in court. When I was a kid (ie. 15), sometimes I would stay in the car while my mom shopped in case the store got robbed and I could be a witness. I never said I was a normal child.
The next day we had a delicious outdoor brunch. Food is so much better when consumed outside. I ate a
Men's Health approved breakfast. My entire "healthy" routine is based around
these slideshows.Brian had an annual Memorial Day BBQ at his parents house so I headed to that after brunch. Chris had to work overnight in Northern NJ so I was on my own. Lots of beer and baked goods were consumed and lots of dancing by the pool followed. It was a great time. I didn't partake in the water activities because I was intentionally sans bathing suit. No one wanted to see me in a bathing suit after 3 days of drinking. Or, ever really. Men don't have these concerns.
We drank for about 12 hours straight. I wanted to keep going but no one else was having it. We're all getting old. The next day I awoke on the floor with a hangover that continued to get worse the longer I was awake. It was a struggle to form words, let alone hold conversations with the stragglers from the night before. I spent the rest of the day lounging by the pool with Brian's family, alternating between laughing at their stories and praying for a respite from the pain. I wanted to go for a swim and I even put on my fat kid bathing suit at one point.
But after nearly capsizing a pool float, I realized I just didn't have the energy. Finally my chariot arrived to whisk me back home. It was difficult to leave the peacefulness of the suburbs and head back to the city. I could've stayed by that pool forever. It was a pretty perfect weekend overall.
Remember
that blog I wrote about drinking in moderation? Well obviously I couldn't start doing that until after the Memorial day weekend. Plus a friend is in town tonight, and I have a work happy hour tomorrow. Just get off my back okay?!?
